...then another entry after so long

Okay, I have to admit that I am a person of less focus. Sometimes I can be so focused (like updating my blogs with poems and photos almost every week) and then I become completely out-of-focus and do not even have the passion to write. Well, I do love to write, especially about life and feelings and deep-thoughts, but that usually have to happen at my low times; and since I can write this with ease, I guess I am at my low. Well, life is a roller coaster ride. One day you are on the top of the world, the next day you could be crawling on your four extremities. But no matter what, life goes on, and we also must move, even with the speed of a snail.

The question now is, "What do I want to with my life?" Well, I know for sure that I want to leave a legacy to the world. The problem is, I somehow am lost in what I am doing. You see, I used to be an M.D., treating people in a not-so-remote island. It used to give me joy. Then I felt to want to see the world, to leave the cradle that was so comfortable. I did it, and I spend my five years as a post-grad student in a faraway country. The first and second year were the honeymoon periods, and then the confusion and frustration kicked in. Still, I believe it was part of a process; after all all post-grad students feel that they are in the low of their life. Now, it has been a year since my graduation, but I still think I am lost. The feeling that I am not doing the right thing still lingers. Sure, it is nice to work in a respected university with the state-of-the-art technology: I am working with a portable sequencer that is hailed to be the next generation in DNA sequencing. Yet, there is something missing; it is like I have lost the human touch. Working in a laboratory with cold robotic people around you tends to dull your empathy. And until I can find the human touch again, I guess I would always be feeling lost. Eventually, the purpose of what I am doing is to make the world a better place, and that would be useless if it was only the world, but not the people living in it. I do believe that there is nothing wrong with the path that I chose, it is just I need to cherish it with laughter and emotion, just when I was a physician back then.

Decision

Living is an art of making decision. Life is full of choices and there would be no moment when we do not have to make decisions. Sometimes we make a right decision, sometimes we make a wrong one; although right or wrong is absolutely subjective. A killing could be rationalize as rightful, although it is wrong by consensus. Killing a very sick person may not have to be wronged. I always have this question since forever: If one person kills a person, does the killer deserve to be punished? Fate (or be it God) controls all the aspect in the world. Wouldn't it be that his death was fated, and the killer was only a means to achieve the death? Then he should never be punished. Then again, if he is never to be punished, the already blurred boundary will be blurer: What is a fate and what is a will?

We do have to make choices. The reason choices are there, probably because they are delivered by the fate itself. However, the decision will be ours to decide, and fate will again deliver another choices in the future. The choices are fated, but the decisions are ours. Nevertheless, I believe nature always tries to balance itself, and some choices might already be favored. To listen to what nature is saying, we will eventually choose a choice that cause a greater good. That choice will work with us, and however wrong it may appear, we will know eventually that we make the right choice.

A piece of thought 一欠けらの思い

However seemingly impossible it is, there will be a way. Weren’t flight once a dream? Now people have gone to space. Things will eventually find themselves free from obstacles. Water will eventually find its way to the estuary. For live is vulnerable, take shelter in our faith. As believing in something, be it God or just ourselves, we will have the courage to go forward; no matter how dark and dangerous and alone the path may be. This piece of mind shall never change forever. 無理と見えても、何とかなると信じている。昔の時に、飛行は夢だった、ただいま人間は宇宙に行っているでしょ。道が自然的に表すのは間違いない。どうしても水を遮るのは、結局河口まで。壊れ物だからこそ、人生が信仰を囲おう。神様に限らない、自分だけに信じても、漆黒の道に一人で歩む勇気を出せると思う。この一欠けらの思いを、いつまでも変えたくない。

Lust

The thought of you makes me trepidatious; my body trembles over the longing for you. Like a condemned werewolf yearning for the blood moon, I, too, am a lycanthrope whose heart goes berserk over the sight of your flesh. This nyctophobia self will like to feast in the heat of the night, being wild and frenzy, dancing ecstatically, indulging in the pheromones from every tickle of your sweat. I will let my soul to be decadent and this sepulchral soul will gladly have its perdition for the lust over you.

Ode to Boreas

Oh, Boreas who rules the Northern Wind. Hail, oh you, who dance beautifully. Along with it, come colder climes, come shorter light. Algid gale breathes often, the world goes to hibernaculum. Winter overcomes, frore is the life. This gelid season is your domain. Its murkiness weakens the mind. Its frigidity frosts the bones. Its blue breaks the soul. The days are brumal and the nights are hiemal. Yet, come halcyon days, you are festive: Snow and névé, ice and hoarfrost, flashy women and men in coats and boots, a circle of family before the furnace, cashmere and fleece, hot chocolate and eggnog... Though your dance is difficult, for ever as it may seem, you will eventually get weary and will finally be succumbed, until the time you dance again after one Earth's circle.

The physics of love

For every soul out there, there is an antisoul. Like every matter that has an antimatter, that antisoul is you with an opposite charge. You and that antisoul is not compatible at the surface, but you and your antisoul is complementing each other. If you two meet, bump, and merge, nothingness is born. This nothingness is not an emptiness, because you two will be transformed into higher forms, no longer recognized as two, bound in so called God particle that covers the universe, giving mass to everything, giving sense to the non-sense, giving meaning to the meaningless. If you meet your antisoul, be prepared, because the journey for you two will not be physical anymore, but metaphysical, quantum physical, beyond all the senses can perceive.

Humans 人間

NASA has released the largest picture ever taken and it will shake up your universe; a link that will make we think our existence. Now that I am on the subject, I need to admit humans are minuscule, but it is essential to be meaningful. The presence of humans in this vast universe should mean something. Not now, but in another 1,000 or 10,000 years, humans will definitely be able to change the universe. And we are those future humans' ancestors. We are building the foundation of the future. Therefore, our existence is not without meaning. 人間はちっぽけ。ただ、有意義になるのは大事。こんな宇宙の中に人間の存在は確かに意味があるはず。今じゃなくて、千年か一万年後にきっと人間は宇宙を変えることが可能。我々はそんな未来人間の先人。我々は未来の基礎を作ってる。我々の存在は意味のないわけはない。